In Loving Memory

My Chiquita died on Tuesday, Oct. 6. Maybe it's silly, but I am broken hearted to the extreme. She was fine Monday, and then Tuesday morning, Abel wakes me up to tell me she can't breath. I go to her, and we decide to take her to the vet. But I pick her up and she dies in my arms. Almost as if she is suffocating to death. She can't stop gasping and opening her mouth trying to suck in air, and nothing. I hate that. I hate that those are my last memories of her. I hate that I hadn't spoiled her more and loved on her more. Sure she was smelly and mean to the boys, but she still needed love. Up until I had then, she was the most spoiled thing alive. Slept with me, ran in the backyard, sunbathed, etc. Before us, she had been abused and neglected. I taught her how to play. She attacked everyone, yet never once bit me, not matter what I did. But then I had the boys and she had to be kept away from them because she didn't like them. She had been abused, she had an excuse. But then thats it, I was too busy to play, too busy to love on her, too busy period. I had her for 10 years...from ages 15-25. And it wasn't enough. She was the one who licked away my tears from my first heartbreak and many others later. She was the one who nuzzled me when I was scared and upset because I made stupid mistakes and was in big trouble. She loved unconditionally and genuinely and yet, she was just a dog. But you know what? That little dog that had been abused her first 4 years of love was the best example of God's unconditional love. And me, the human who became to busy to show love is the best example of us humans being too busy for God. So too my Chiquita, I love you and I'm sorry. And too my loving Father, thank you fall all your love that you've given and shown through different people, animals, etc. I will never be too busy for you again, and if I do become to busy, I ask you to show me so I can repent.

On a Stand

So I went to an amazing women's conference called Chosen, which, in case you didn't notice, is the inspiration for my blog. :) God knew I needed to be there, well duh He knows everything. But I guess I was just feeling so lost. Lots of stress in my kids ministry and still feeling like God wants me elsewhere...but where? So like a flashlight whose batteries are going out, I got a good charge last weekend. He's calling me elsewhere, to Shine in a dark world, but I still had no clue where to start. But then it hit me. I keep waiting for this divine revelation to come, and it came, but not in a way I expected. I had this vision and I totally pictured it like a painting so thats how I will describe it. It's a night time scene, dark night but when the sky has a little purple in it. No moon though. And hundreds of people standing in the distance but they look black from the night sky. And then walking into the scene is a person, but there is a light shining out of this person. Bright and bursting out. Behind this are more people with that same light, walking forward, toward/into the dark, bringing light to the dark. And I realized that here I am waiting and waiting for this revelation, and not acting on what I know. And what I know is this world is dark, the deep darkness has taken over (Isaiah 60:1). And God called me to be a light, not just me, but all of us. To light up the dark world, bringing out the God colors. Shining brightly for all to see. Shining brightly to wipe out the darkness. Shining brightly for Him. Matthew 5:15 says, "You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine!" I feel so many of us are struggling with this, especially women. Always put on the back burner, or under a bucket I should say. But I encourage you to step out and shine. Don't wait. The world needs you now. He wants to use you now and will use you. And so this is my mission, to go out into the dark world, and bring others with me.

New Ventures

So today was officially my last day of work with Continental Airlines. Quite heart breaking I have to say. I am on a Company Offered Leave of Absence that can last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years and can be called back any time after the 6 months. But considering that we are planning to leave McAllen to go to bible school, I more than likely will not be able to return. So this is it. Goodbye my early morning coffee crew. I will miss you more than words can say. You are another family to me. Goodbye to irate passengars that blame us for their being late and missing the flight, those who have no idea what airline they are traveling on or even what city they are going to and act like we should know it automatically, and goodbye to irregular ops, rebook after rebook, eyeroll after yell, etc. Goodbye to those who make early morning flights fun; those who joke around, dress funny, act funny, look funny, or look like celebrities. Goodbye to making horrible airport boarding announcements and waking up at 3am. Like I said, it is heartbreaking. I really am going to miss it all. Not only will I miss the job and people, but it also means this move is for sure. And while that is exciting because I know it's where God wants us, it also means goodbye to my great friends, a great church, and most importantly, my parents. It means stepping out into the unknown, and my oh my is it scary. It means trusting Him financially (one income for the time being) for school and living and walking blindly. But Abel and I have prayed long and hard about this and know this is where God is leading us. We may be walking blindly in faith, but the road is not dark, because He is lighting it up. Pray for us that I remember this and that we are continually encouraged on this new venture.

Women's Conference Coming Up

Just wanted to let everyone know of an awesome women's conference that is coming up this September. It is in San Antonio, TX and will you not only be spoiled beyond measure, but will be fed (spiritually) with the meat of the spirit as well as with lots of sweets. God will touch your heart in ways that only He can and maybe in ways you haven't felt in awhile. Details are on this website...

www.chosensa.com

a little insight

So its been awhile since I've logged on. Frankly its because so much has gone on or has been on my mind, that I just haven't known where to start. So here it goes. I have been thinking about life a lot lately. I have a deep hunger to serve God and I am in the perfect position to do it..but it's just not satisfying. I try to think of all the wonderful things that are being accomplished, but I just can't seem to find the passion and excitement for it. I feel that God has more for me. But maybe it's just me. Maybe I am being a selfish kid that gets the toy she wanted, and realized it wasn't what it is cut out to be so wants something else. Could that be it? Or is it that I am just not where God wants me to be? As I talk to friends and family I can't help but think its this. I mean, imagine how God feels...Him putting me in a position He wants, and I'm just like, "uh, well I am lucky to even be here so I guess I'll just put up with it." The whole grin and bear it attitude. Whats up with that?? A thought came to me that maybe God puts us in a position of dissatisfaction so that we do something about it. Think about it...if you are satisfied with where you are and happy to do it, then even if it's not what God wants for you, more than likely you'll stick with it, because your comfortable with it. Who wants to be taken out of their comfort zone and thrown into something scary and risky? But thats just the thing...if it's a God thing, why are we thinking it's scary and risky? Sure its uncomfortable because we are walking blindly into unknown territory. But what do we know of God?? He is love. So then why would He throw us somewhere to scare us??? And the only risk we are really taking is falling into His will. Doesn't sound so bad to me. The only problem....finding out where you should go once you decide to leave the place you are dissatisfied with, and getting the fuel to move your engine and do something about it. If you've read my posts then you know God has really been putting something different and powerful into my life. Supernatural Evangelism?? Treasure hunts?? Praying for miracles and prophecying over people??? What if it doesn't work? What if I pray for someone, nothing happens, and not only do they think I'm a dope, but they are disappointed with God because during that prayer their was a glimmer of hope and now its been extinguished. Yeah, all this runs through my mind. But then I think, what if it does work? What if I get to be a part of something so powerful and so filled with love, that not only is it a love encounter for the person receiving, but for me. I mean come on...who am I that God would use me that way?? Very humbling indeed. And even though he has used me before, my dopey human self tells me it won't happen again. So what should I do??? Yep..use that as my fuel. I once heard that the greatest barriers and obstacles lead to the greatest breakthroughs. So after our awesome treasure hunt last weekend, a few disappointments during the week, an amazing worship service, and a ton of money down the drain thanks to the darn transmission, I am left with one thing and one thing only. God's love. His love calls me to come forward even though the road looks bleak. His love gives me strength to make BIG decisions that make sense to anyone but me. And His love gives me direction and guidance. And His loves gives me the biggest bear hugs when all I can do is fall down and cry. If you are feeling anywhere like me...don't do the grin and bear it thing. Follow God's leading and the passions He puts in your life..and don't procrastinate because you will miss out on some amazing adventures. One more thing, if you are feeling like me...message me so we can be prayer buddies. Prayer is an amazing fuel enhancement.

Hmm..

As I sit and ponder the future, I am struck with all sorts of questions. The biggest one, how do I get from A to B? I trust God to put it all into place, but feel like, I have to start somewhere don't I? And not only that, but God supplies my needs, but isn't it up to me to go after my wants instead of just waiting for them to fall out of heaven and into my lap? Ideas are still springing up for all that, but then my thoughts run to further in the future and it is extremely daunting. If I can't even get it together now, how will I ever get it together later? Uh, I just need to place that in the back of all the mess that is my mind. I feel like I need an organizer in there. Files and folders for all the thoughts running through my brain. Top 4 things?

1. We really really want a house. I can't even begin to tell you how ready we are for that and it is a necessary component to the plan God is putting in our hearts. And hello, $8000 tax credit isn't gonna last forever. It is stressful not having our own place, and in a sense, it feels like our own life. We are constantly having to play by everyone else's rules. From where we are going, what we are doing, what we feed the boys, and disciplining our kids, we are constantly having to answer to someone else about it. That is the price we pay for living with my parents. Dr. Hernandez even said if you are married adults still living with your parents, be prepared to be treated like a child still. So we put up with it. Extremely greatful for their help, but ready to not need so much help anymore. So for now, save save for that future dream. But as soon as we get a good amount in there, it all goes to a broken transmission. How lovely.

2. With everything we have been through and what we feel God putting in our hearts, the idea of going to school for supernatural ministry is big. I want to be fully trained and prepared for what God wants me to do. A school like Bethel. It would be Bethel if the cost of living, cost of school, and cost of child care wasn't so high. I found another school run by Randy Clark that I would love to go to. And for fun checked out cost of living and jobs, and the cost is great and there are jobs at UPS for Abel and an airline for me. Hmmm...But still, price of school is high and you need a big portion before classes begin. (Darn transmission) And there is still the child care issue. It's just so confusing. I know God would supply if thats what He wanted, but is it? Or is it for us to get a house and just start now? Or what???

3. Now issues. My contacts are no longer wearable, and so I go to get my prescpition filled. They try to charge me, which, hello my insurance is supposed to pay for that, so I have to call the insurance. They tell me the place already charged for them. So I call the place, and they think already have them. I proceed to tell them that no, I never got them. They order them and tell me to come back in a week. And guess what??? They aren't in. So I have to wear my glasses that too big, old, ugly, and constantly slipping off everywhere I go. Then I go get my annual exam at the gyno (blah) and get a bill in the mail today for the things my insurance didn't cover. Apparently they don't cover investigative exams...uh, isn't the papsmear necessary?? So there goes another big chunk of money. Yay. Being a grown up sucks.

4. So with all these worries and questions in our heads we start a liquid fast. I am hungry.

dreaming with God

The 3rd and final day we were in Monroe was probably the funnest. Even though its been a few weeks now it is all still vividly etched in my mind. We started early on this day, 1pm to be exact. So Abel and I woke up late, had lunch and Tim Horton's, and got lost on purpose (using the GPS to find our way back). We saw some beautiful farm areas, foresty areas, and river side areas. The first session was powerful. Getting more into living this Kingdom lifestyle. Chris talked about praying for the sick in public. He told us that when he first heard about this apostle like life, he started dreaming of this life. He called it, sanctified imagination, or dreaming with God. He said he would have dreams of praying over people, he would imagine miracles occuring when he prayed. He saw conversations and people in His head and miracles occur. He was dreaming with God. It was funny because when he started talking about this, it really strung a cord with me. Since this started pressing in my heart, I imagined praying for people and seeing miracles. I would see sick people at the airport, and have this whole fake conversation in my head and saw them healed. I was never bold enough to actually do it. I felt like a failure for not. How could I not trust God? But now I feel better because...I was dreaming with God. There is a time for everything. A time to plant the seed. A time to grow. A time of waiting for the fruit to produce. And, if taken care of correctly, a time of abundant production of fruit. I realized this was my waiting period. I am growing, and with continued care, the fruit will produce. Not only that but Eph. 3:20 says that God wants to do exceedingly and above all that I am thinking or wanting. I want so much for heaven to fall on earth. I want love encounters with God for all people. I want miracles, signs, and wonders. I want the saints (all Christians) to be equipped to walk out and give all people this love encounter. I want so much. Yet, he will do exceedingly and above all that. A key point is this: What I can see in my heart God will make a reality. I can't even imagine. So I continue dreaming. I am a happy dreamer. But now, as the weeks have gone by, I am not content to just dream anymore. So many wonderful things happened that day. It was the first day we would go to the community and put into practice what we were learning and...Wow! We went on a Treasure Hunt. You basically pray that God would lead you to a specific treasure (person) that he wants to touch that day. You write down the first thoughts that come into your heard such as a description of a person, a location, thing they need prayer for, random things like a color, or sign, etc. I feel like I am just making it all up. We break into groups, find a similar thread in our thoughts, and head out. Each person had something to bring. Things such as a blue shirt with faded emblem, white shoes, garage sale, a grocery store, brown hair, something with the eyes, and more. We start by trying to find the person with the blue shirt at a grocery store and it seems everyone is wearing a blue shirt. We go up to random people and tell them we feel God wants wants them to know just how much he loves them and is there anything they need prayer for. Some graciously accept and are touched. Some don't but we love on them anyways. After some time goes by and it is getting closer to our return time, we wonder if we got something wrong. But finally, Abel and another girl from the group finds the treasure. She was an exact description and when they showed her the list she freaked out. They prayed over her and she was touched beyond measure. Our faith and excitement skyrocketed. It worked! When we head back to the church we hear so many testimonies from the groups that went out and it is exciting to see how God worked. A few groups even saw uneven legs grow out the same length, some saw addictions break, some saw pain relieved. God is an awesome God. We break for lunch and Abel and I can't stop talking about it all. Even now just thinking about the awesomeness of God my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. The evening session we hear the childrens outreach pastor speak. He was a young guy but was so full of excitement. He tells us of going to the poorest areas and gathering up the kids under a tarp and teaching them about God. He tells of children receiving the holy spirit. Not only that, but they actually physically felt him and thought someone was touching them, only to be suprised that nothing was there. It was God. He tells us of these same children praying over eachother and healing eachother. Wow! Tonight we receive more prayer from the Bethel team, and again, we feel God physically. We are prayed for by each and every ministry member. When the last person prays for me (I'm not sure who as my eyes were closed in worship and prayer) I am overcome with emotion. I start crying uncontrollably. And not the pretty dainty crying but all out sobbing. I don't feel sad. I am just overcome and can't stop. Abel holds me letting me cry into his shoulders. I am at it for about half an hour. I try to stop but I just can't. Finally winding down I start in on worship and am overtaken again. Normally I would be embarassed, but I care about two things only right now, God, and me worshipping God. No one else matters. But if you had been on the room and saw the people praising and worshipping as they did, you would feel the same. As it nears an end we are reluctant to leave. We get to our hotel at 1am after getting drive through, and again cannot stop talking about it all. Which, at this point is not good seeing as how our flt is at 7am, and we need to drive to detroit, drop off our car, and check in in just a few hours. We fly first class - a great blessing...Thank you Jesus! And our filled with His presence even till today.

So now back at home I sit and think of it all. I still have yet to go out and pray for someone here. I continue dreaming with God, and dreaming in my sleep of things he has for me. As I said before, I am discontent just dreaming though. I want everyone to have a love encounter with God and know that it is up to us, the Jesus followers in the world, to bring it to them. I feel a calling to train up others to an apostolic life but know it has to start with me. So I ask all who read this one thing...pray for me. Pray for God to give me boldness to go out and touch people. Pray that God's love would cast out any fear or doubt in my head. Pray that His plan for me would get clearer by the day, and pray that the lost are found and the blind will see. And know that my prayers go out to you. I pray that you learn to live a life filled with opportunites to love God and others. That you encounter God in a way you never have before and that your goal in life is to seek His presence daily, but also to give the gift of his presence to others.

The Unfinished

I wake up multiple times during the night. Not sure if it is from excitement or what but I finally wake up at 7:30 from a dream I will not forget. I am healing someone. I can still remember details about the person. I feel extremely peaceful and rested even though I only got a few hours of sleep. Again this is more than likely due to the amazing experience, but also in part because Abel and I talked a lot after the conference. Being in God's presence ruined me. I never want to be out of it again and I am so sad that I let so much time pass by without Him. I am stressed with life, overwhelmed by everything, and feel as if there is no time for Him with everything else going on. Abel is quick to comfort and tells me that part of this is his fault. He should be helping me more and making sure I have daily time for God and school work. He is extremely supportive for the future plans I have and is just so in tune with me its scary. Good scary. So the morning is good. After breakfast we head to Sterling State Park hoping to see some Bald Eagles. It is huge though and have no idea where to start. When we see Lake Eerie beach access we are curious and excited so we head there first. Wow! It is the most beautiful site. We walk along enjoying the amazing views trying to ignore the occasional dead fish. We decide to go down some trails, our mission - ealges. We go down a trail that has a view point in the middle. We start off feeling great. The weather is beautiful and the views are awesome. We walk. We talk. We walk. We talk. We walk. How far is this view point? We keep on. The view stays the same except for the occasional river view. More walking. More talking. More walking. A little less talking. The sad thing? Its been 30 minutes and we aren't even half way there (The view point is our half way point). The view point at last. And are their eagles? NO. Just more river. It is extremely hot by now after all this walking and I am exhausted...what can I say I am out of shape and in jeans. We decide to turn back, its closer than continuing. Sad, I know. We head to the hotel, freshen up, drive around the city, and go shopping. I need summer clothes. Ms. Bright idea thought it would be a lot colder and decided to only take long sleaves. hehe. We head to the church that evening and are even more floored than the night before. More testimonies. More prayer. More worship. More God it seems. We are praying for the holy spirit to invade us and are in deep prayer when suddenly my hands start to tingle, start to burn a little, but not in a bad way. Then he calls everyone up who feel something in their hands. He tells us it is the Spirit. We come up there for prayer and are released to pray for those around us. It is amazing how God uses us and speaks through us. This may sound dumb but I never thought He could use me this way. After all I have done? But here He is. We leave around midnight again reluctantly. But this time there is no sadness or stress as the night before. Only complete happiness and peace. I am in His will finally. I know what He wants of me. Maybe not the details, but the direction. Day 2.

Amazed

I am still unable to coherently formulate words to describe this experience. I saw God in a way I never have before. It was a true encounter. And that was really what this school was for, teaching us to give the world a true encounter with God. Here is a recap of the most amazing days of my life...

We come into the city of detroit, go to the rental car area, and are there for quite awhile. Finally we are off, having to be at the church in one hour. The church is in a different city mind you, and we are completely unfamiliar with the surroundings. Thank you Jesus for the GPS. Anyways we arrive a few minutes late, but thankfully so are other people. We walk in to praise and worship and this is the start of the "encounter." The music is beautiful. Songs I've never heard before, an amazing worship team, lyrics that stir the heart. All around I see people worshipping, some are standing still, praying and crying, others with their arms raised to the Lord, others still dancing. There are even people waving flags around. There is a guy dancing in the front that is just going crazy. He is dancing strangefully graceful and wild at the same time. I have to hold back the laugh and admit it was a little distracting to my own worship time. How very Christian of me right? But keep in mind, this is new to me. People just don't do this at my church. But God knows exactly whats on my mind and is quick to convict me of this. I am suddenly thinking of David dancing his worship to God and his wife being embarrassed and telling him to stop. God curses her for stopping him from worshipping. For all I know, this strange wild dancing could be the very same dance of David. I am overcome with the beauty of the dancing I thought was so funny before. How awesome it is for someone to be so free in the Spirit to worship God that they don't care at all what others think. I wish I could be this way. God is in the room in a way I've never felt before and I am suddenly feeling sad. I have been in God's presence before. But it had been so long now and all I am thinking is, "How could I have let so much time pass me by without seeking His presence?" I know God is always there, but you know how there are times when you can just feel Him? Well this was it. I am complete. I am filled. Voids were filled that I never knew existed. I never want to be without Him again. Even now as I think about it I filled with tears. I see a guy out of the corner of my eye completely prostrate on the floor. The gesture fills my heart. The night goes on and the teacher, Outreach Pastor of Bethel Church in Redding, CA Christ Overstreat starts his teachings. (Turns out he was the one lying prostrate on the floor.) All the teachings, testimonies, everything really is stirring me up. This is exactly what I have been hungry for all these months. He starts off by saying that everyone needs an encounter with God's love. A good teaching is not enough. Jesus knew this, the apostles started their church like this, and it should still be today. As Christians, we owe the world an encounter with God's love. He gives us verses from the bible, and drills in how much God loves us. He says that we need to seek His presence, and when we are filled with the presence of God, we will leak it to people around us. He says that when we host God's presence, opportunities are all around to shows His love. He is inside of us, but wants to get out. Matthew 6, the Lord's prayer says, "Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven." Is there sickness or disease in heaven? He wants it to be this way on earth. And it starts with us, the believers. Our God is the same God from the bible times. The same signs and wonders of Jesus and the first church should be apart of the lifestyle of modern day believers. But we cannot live this supernatural lifestyle until we transform our own hearts. He tells us, "God is changing the world inside of us to change the world around us." Huh. The night goes on with prayer. He asks people who need healing to stand. After all are standing he tells those not standing to pray for those standing. Wow. Usually the speaker does all the healing himself. But this time we are? I am so filled with boldness and faith though that I start immediately. The first lady I pray with has pain in her jaw so we pray for it. Nothing happens so we pray again. It feels a little better. We pray again. 100% healing. She is healed. She has soreness on her shoulders from fybromyalgia. She is healed. She has a problem with the skin on her hands. We pray and she is healed. Thank you Jesus. I pray with two more ladies. This time it is emotional healing that we are praying for. God speaks through me and I am praying for things that I they hadn't even told me they needed. One actually falls down in the spirit. The next day the others comes to me crying and thanking me because she needed to hear that. I look all around me and see miracles, people praying, and people worshipping. Again I am overcome with emotion. You can feel God's presence in such a way that it is tangible. We leave the church around midnight reluctantly. Abel and I are both afraid that once we step out of the church we won't feel him anymore. We do. The end of day 1.

The Paths We Choose

I want to start with something that would forever be a part of my life. A true, real encounter with God. When I was around 15, I saw things that were a part of a dark world I didn't want to know about. I saw things during the day and dreamt things at night. I stopped sleeping, and layed in my bed in fear because of things I heard. My mom asked some people she knew to come help me and pray with me. That day was a day I would never forget. I was not given just a talk, but a real encounter with God. I felt Him that day in a real way. I actually felt Him hold my hands. It was amazing. I was prophecied over that God was with me, protecting me strongly, and that I would be lead to something great. It was an encounter of a life time.

We all have dreams, passions, desires, and choses to make regarding life. So with all that, how do we choose the paths we choose? How do we choose where we will go and what we will do? I remember when I was in high school, I had an extreme passion for theater. I loved acting, directing, stage managing, everything. Yet, this is not a direction I chose to follow. Why? Why did I let other's opinions and fears stop me from something my heart desired with such passion? I don't know. Towards the end of high school, I realized that you could have a relationship with Jesus and I gave my heart to him. Our church started the Master's Commission program and I had the strongest desire to join and devote a year just to Him. The problem? My dad wanted me to go to college and I would have to break up with my boyfriend. I did not go. I let other things get in the way of my relationship with God and that would be the end of that relationship for years. After that, my love and compassion for animals determined the direction I chose to follow next. Veterinary medicine. When I picked my career path at UTEP this was it. But due to decisions made out of extreme stupidity and a little bit of the superman complex (Nothing bad can happen to me) I found myself delving into extreme drinking, experimenting with drugs, in an exrtremely volatile relationship, and pregnant. I finished the school year with really bad grades and horrible morning sickness. Now what? This period was filled with fear, sorrow, excitement, guilt, you name it. I was broken beyond repair in my opinion. I wanted God now. I was at the bottom of the barrel and I knew the only way out was with Him. I made idiotic decision after idiotic decision to put myself where I was, but it wasn't just about me anymore. I loved that unborn child (I later learned it would be "children") and wanted to be a good mom but knew I couldn't with God. I repented and grew to lean on Him. I was a disaster but the pieces slowly started coming into place. I had baggage to the extreme, but the awesome thing about God is that He wants to carry the baggage. I slowly learned to hand it over. But after all this, surely God's plan for me to "do great things for Him" would not apply. How could it? After how much I had failed Him there was no way He could possibly use me. And that was okay in my opinion, I just wanted to live for Him and from there the rest wouldn't matter. So after spending a year with my boys, I started school again. Going for nursing now. At the same time, my husband and I were still working out our problems (the boys daddy and one I had been in the volatile relationship with). He had been through a lot and wanted nothing to do with God. For so long I had been insecure but now with God, I was secure. He left us for a few months that first year and it was the hardest time in my life, but it was also the first time I just handed it to God. And you know what? God was faithful to save our marriage. As time went by, we left El Paso to go to McAllen. My dad got a job there and offered to help us if we went with them so I could continue with school. My husband gave His life to Jesus, and our marriage was beautiful for the first time ever. We found an amazing church, and I got into the nursing school. But now God started putting something scary in my heart. He wanted me to go into ministry. After much prayer and advice, I dropped the nursing program and everything else fell into place. I found a bible school with ease, and I was happier than ever. Once in bible school, God put something in my heart that would not leave. I was hungry for God in a real way. I was tired of reading about the great miracles of Jesus and the first church but not seeing those things today. God is the same God. And He did command us to go out and show great signs and wonders through the Holy Spirit. The hunger was strong and I was discontent with all else. So this leads me to the most amazing experience of my life at the Bethel School for Supernatural Evangelism held in Monroe. But that is a whole post unto itself. So until then....

Gargantuan

gar⋅gan⋅tu⋅an:
adjective: gigantic; enormous; colossal: a gargantuan task.
Synonyms:huge, mammoth, immense, vast, elephantine.

My eyes were opened in a new way yesterday. I finally saw the video of my child movie stars, which was AWESOME by the way. But something caught my eye that was downright depressing. Me. As in the words of Pinky Dinky Doo I am Gargantuan. :( Now I knew I was overweight, I'm not blind. But I just never saw myself that big. Maybe I have an eating disorder in a sense that I am an opposite anorexic. Not that I eat all the time mind you, but I see myself smaller than I am (opposite of the way anorexics see themselves). So seeing the movie was really a revelation, and a depressing one at that. Now I can't help but feel even more self-conscious than I normally am. And I hate feeling that way. For example, we had this great event with our church tonight. It was a blast. But I couldn't really fully enjoy it because I kept comparing my elephantine self to everyone else in the room. Than of course I felt extremely guilty for this because, hello, I am a CHOSEN woman at a church event. I should be happy and fulfilled by God and not driven to such egotistical thoughts. I know this, but that doesn't change how I feel. Anways, I know food is not really my problem, I eat rather healthy really. It's exercise. I hate it. But I really feel so unhappy that I am just going to have to suck it up and do something about it. Starting tomorrow. So please people, send some prayer and ecouragement my way, God knows I need it.

Here's a praise report on this front. Thank you Jesus for blinding my husband :)

House Virgins

So Abel and I are officially house hunting. Yesterday we checked out 4 houses...blah, blah, blah, and blah. Today we started getting the pre-approval for our homeloan, now at least we can have an idea of the price range. And tomorrow, more houses. Its a bit exciting (new house), but a bunch intimidating (new house payment). I was really in awe of my DH though. We have been through a lot together and God has really worked in Him. So, before we start the official house hunt, while we are at the real estate agents office, he says, "Let's pray." Aw, nothing as sexy as a guy that relies on God so much. Is there something wrong with me for thinking my husband is sexy during this extremely spiritual time? :p Anways, life is sure not perfect. Come on, married 4 years and this is our first home? And if you knew him 2 years ago, you would know this is not something he would say. So needless to say, I was pleasantly suprised, in love with my husband all over again, and in awe of God's power and love.

Child Actors in the Making

Well today was fun. The boys are going to be the stars in an upcoming skit/film for the church. It goes with the family series the pastor is doing and it should be great. The boys were supposed to "act" really terrible, ya know, showing them being in control of the household and all that. It was comical really. The sad thing? They were just acting as their normal stinker selves minus the tears and hits. So in a sense, they actually behaved better than normal. That is just plain sad. Don't get me wrong it't not like we have no control over them. But it is just hard when the discipline is so inconsistant, which is what happens when Grampy, Grammy and the grandkids live in the same household. So tears and hits will naturally come when they do get in trouble with things they sometimes don't get in trouble for. Things are getting a little bit better as of recently though. We've been really putting our foot down with the time-outs, which has been helping some. Regardless of how stinkerish they are at times, I adore the little rascals. They really were good at following directions for the acting once they got warmed up though. Can anyone say child stars turned reality hasbins??? I think not.

Hello

Hi Everyone,

My name is Samantha, I am 24 years old, and I live in McAllen, TX. I am a happily married woman, a proud (and extremely exhausted) momma of twin boys, and most importantly, a Christ-following woman. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, the list goes on and goes (hey we are hispanic we have a big family), but most importantly "I am a child of the king!" as a famous football player once said. My life is not all together. I am not that creative, though I really really try to be, and really not all that interesting. The only real reason I am posting a blog is peer pressure. Plain and simple peer pressure on the part of two really great friends. :) But perhaps this blog will interest more than one person, heck even only having one person read this would be pretty cool. Upon deciding what to center this blog on, I remembered this saying used at a woman's conference in San Antonio. It touched my heart than and it touches it now. No matter how together, or so not together I am, I am His and He loves me, no matter what. I want to be real here, so as I post certain things you may be thinking, what kind of Christian woman is this? Well I will tell you right now, you ain't that different baby no matter how hard you hide it so... Get over it!

Chosen

Long before God even spoke the earth into existence, before His booming voice ever called out for the first layers of the earth's crust to be put into place, He had already spoken your name. He actually picked you out, had you on His mind, and settled on you as the focus of His love.

You Are Chosen

-Unknown

These words touch my heart and soul. He loves me, no matter what. He always has and He always will. It's quite amazing really when you try to put your mind around it. People make a big deal about knowing other people in high places. "Oh yeah I met the President." "Oh, the mayor and I are friends." blah blah blah. That is all fine and dandy. I am not gonna lie, I would be honored to know such people. But here we have the creator of all the universe. Think about it. Creator of the universe. Not just a smart person that knows people that helped him move up the ladder to be in a really great position and in charge of a lot of people. But the one that created all people. The one that created everything, period. And the focus of His love is...US!!! Us measly people that are constantly disappointing Him, mistrusting Him, forgetting Him. But even though we are this way, He Still Loves Us. Wow.