Gargantuan

gar⋅gan⋅tu⋅an:
adjective: gigantic; enormous; colossal: a gargantuan task.
Synonyms:huge, mammoth, immense, vast, elephantine.

My eyes were opened in a new way yesterday. I finally saw the video of my child movie stars, which was AWESOME by the way. But something caught my eye that was downright depressing. Me. As in the words of Pinky Dinky Doo I am Gargantuan. :( Now I knew I was overweight, I'm not blind. But I just never saw myself that big. Maybe I have an eating disorder in a sense that I am an opposite anorexic. Not that I eat all the time mind you, but I see myself smaller than I am (opposite of the way anorexics see themselves). So seeing the movie was really a revelation, and a depressing one at that. Now I can't help but feel even more self-conscious than I normally am. And I hate feeling that way. For example, we had this great event with our church tonight. It was a blast. But I couldn't really fully enjoy it because I kept comparing my elephantine self to everyone else in the room. Than of course I felt extremely guilty for this because, hello, I am a CHOSEN woman at a church event. I should be happy and fulfilled by God and not driven to such egotistical thoughts. I know this, but that doesn't change how I feel. Anways, I know food is not really my problem, I eat rather healthy really. It's exercise. I hate it. But I really feel so unhappy that I am just going to have to suck it up and do something about it. Starting tomorrow. So please people, send some prayer and ecouragement my way, God knows I need it.

Here's a praise report on this front. Thank you Jesus for blinding my husband :)