Hmm..

As I sit and ponder the future, I am struck with all sorts of questions. The biggest one, how do I get from A to B? I trust God to put it all into place, but feel like, I have to start somewhere don't I? And not only that, but God supplies my needs, but isn't it up to me to go after my wants instead of just waiting for them to fall out of heaven and into my lap? Ideas are still springing up for all that, but then my thoughts run to further in the future and it is extremely daunting. If I can't even get it together now, how will I ever get it together later? Uh, I just need to place that in the back of all the mess that is my mind. I feel like I need an organizer in there. Files and folders for all the thoughts running through my brain. Top 4 things?

1. We really really want a house. I can't even begin to tell you how ready we are for that and it is a necessary component to the plan God is putting in our hearts. And hello, $8000 tax credit isn't gonna last forever. It is stressful not having our own place, and in a sense, it feels like our own life. We are constantly having to play by everyone else's rules. From where we are going, what we are doing, what we feed the boys, and disciplining our kids, we are constantly having to answer to someone else about it. That is the price we pay for living with my parents. Dr. Hernandez even said if you are married adults still living with your parents, be prepared to be treated like a child still. So we put up with it. Extremely greatful for their help, but ready to not need so much help anymore. So for now, save save for that future dream. But as soon as we get a good amount in there, it all goes to a broken transmission. How lovely.

2. With everything we have been through and what we feel God putting in our hearts, the idea of going to school for supernatural ministry is big. I want to be fully trained and prepared for what God wants me to do. A school like Bethel. It would be Bethel if the cost of living, cost of school, and cost of child care wasn't so high. I found another school run by Randy Clark that I would love to go to. And for fun checked out cost of living and jobs, and the cost is great and there are jobs at UPS for Abel and an airline for me. Hmmm...But still, price of school is high and you need a big portion before classes begin. (Darn transmission) And there is still the child care issue. It's just so confusing. I know God would supply if thats what He wanted, but is it? Or is it for us to get a house and just start now? Or what???

3. Now issues. My contacts are no longer wearable, and so I go to get my prescpition filled. They try to charge me, which, hello my insurance is supposed to pay for that, so I have to call the insurance. They tell me the place already charged for them. So I call the place, and they think already have them. I proceed to tell them that no, I never got them. They order them and tell me to come back in a week. And guess what??? They aren't in. So I have to wear my glasses that too big, old, ugly, and constantly slipping off everywhere I go. Then I go get my annual exam at the gyno (blah) and get a bill in the mail today for the things my insurance didn't cover. Apparently they don't cover investigative exams...uh, isn't the papsmear necessary?? So there goes another big chunk of money. Yay. Being a grown up sucks.

4. So with all these worries and questions in our heads we start a liquid fast. I am hungry.

dreaming with God

The 3rd and final day we were in Monroe was probably the funnest. Even though its been a few weeks now it is all still vividly etched in my mind. We started early on this day, 1pm to be exact. So Abel and I woke up late, had lunch and Tim Horton's, and got lost on purpose (using the GPS to find our way back). We saw some beautiful farm areas, foresty areas, and river side areas. The first session was powerful. Getting more into living this Kingdom lifestyle. Chris talked about praying for the sick in public. He told us that when he first heard about this apostle like life, he started dreaming of this life. He called it, sanctified imagination, or dreaming with God. He said he would have dreams of praying over people, he would imagine miracles occuring when he prayed. He saw conversations and people in His head and miracles occur. He was dreaming with God. It was funny because when he started talking about this, it really strung a cord with me. Since this started pressing in my heart, I imagined praying for people and seeing miracles. I would see sick people at the airport, and have this whole fake conversation in my head and saw them healed. I was never bold enough to actually do it. I felt like a failure for not. How could I not trust God? But now I feel better because...I was dreaming with God. There is a time for everything. A time to plant the seed. A time to grow. A time of waiting for the fruit to produce. And, if taken care of correctly, a time of abundant production of fruit. I realized this was my waiting period. I am growing, and with continued care, the fruit will produce. Not only that but Eph. 3:20 says that God wants to do exceedingly and above all that I am thinking or wanting. I want so much for heaven to fall on earth. I want love encounters with God for all people. I want miracles, signs, and wonders. I want the saints (all Christians) to be equipped to walk out and give all people this love encounter. I want so much. Yet, he will do exceedingly and above all that. A key point is this: What I can see in my heart God will make a reality. I can't even imagine. So I continue dreaming. I am a happy dreamer. But now, as the weeks have gone by, I am not content to just dream anymore. So many wonderful things happened that day. It was the first day we would go to the community and put into practice what we were learning and...Wow! We went on a Treasure Hunt. You basically pray that God would lead you to a specific treasure (person) that he wants to touch that day. You write down the first thoughts that come into your heard such as a description of a person, a location, thing they need prayer for, random things like a color, or sign, etc. I feel like I am just making it all up. We break into groups, find a similar thread in our thoughts, and head out. Each person had something to bring. Things such as a blue shirt with faded emblem, white shoes, garage sale, a grocery store, brown hair, something with the eyes, and more. We start by trying to find the person with the blue shirt at a grocery store and it seems everyone is wearing a blue shirt. We go up to random people and tell them we feel God wants wants them to know just how much he loves them and is there anything they need prayer for. Some graciously accept and are touched. Some don't but we love on them anyways. After some time goes by and it is getting closer to our return time, we wonder if we got something wrong. But finally, Abel and another girl from the group finds the treasure. She was an exact description and when they showed her the list she freaked out. They prayed over her and she was touched beyond measure. Our faith and excitement skyrocketed. It worked! When we head back to the church we hear so many testimonies from the groups that went out and it is exciting to see how God worked. A few groups even saw uneven legs grow out the same length, some saw addictions break, some saw pain relieved. God is an awesome God. We break for lunch and Abel and I can't stop talking about it all. Even now just thinking about the awesomeness of God my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. The evening session we hear the childrens outreach pastor speak. He was a young guy but was so full of excitement. He tells us of going to the poorest areas and gathering up the kids under a tarp and teaching them about God. He tells of children receiving the holy spirit. Not only that, but they actually physically felt him and thought someone was touching them, only to be suprised that nothing was there. It was God. He tells us of these same children praying over eachother and healing eachother. Wow! Tonight we receive more prayer from the Bethel team, and again, we feel God physically. We are prayed for by each and every ministry member. When the last person prays for me (I'm not sure who as my eyes were closed in worship and prayer) I am overcome with emotion. I start crying uncontrollably. And not the pretty dainty crying but all out sobbing. I don't feel sad. I am just overcome and can't stop. Abel holds me letting me cry into his shoulders. I am at it for about half an hour. I try to stop but I just can't. Finally winding down I start in on worship and am overtaken again. Normally I would be embarassed, but I care about two things only right now, God, and me worshipping God. No one else matters. But if you had been on the room and saw the people praising and worshipping as they did, you would feel the same. As it nears an end we are reluctant to leave. We get to our hotel at 1am after getting drive through, and again cannot stop talking about it all. Which, at this point is not good seeing as how our flt is at 7am, and we need to drive to detroit, drop off our car, and check in in just a few hours. We fly first class - a great blessing...Thank you Jesus! And our filled with His presence even till today.

So now back at home I sit and think of it all. I still have yet to go out and pray for someone here. I continue dreaming with God, and dreaming in my sleep of things he has for me. As I said before, I am discontent just dreaming though. I want everyone to have a love encounter with God and know that it is up to us, the Jesus followers in the world, to bring it to them. I feel a calling to train up others to an apostolic life but know it has to start with me. So I ask all who read this one thing...pray for me. Pray for God to give me boldness to go out and touch people. Pray that God's love would cast out any fear or doubt in my head. Pray that His plan for me would get clearer by the day, and pray that the lost are found and the blind will see. And know that my prayers go out to you. I pray that you learn to live a life filled with opportunites to love God and others. That you encounter God in a way you never have before and that your goal in life is to seek His presence daily, but also to give the gift of his presence to others.

The Unfinished

I wake up multiple times during the night. Not sure if it is from excitement or what but I finally wake up at 7:30 from a dream I will not forget. I am healing someone. I can still remember details about the person. I feel extremely peaceful and rested even though I only got a few hours of sleep. Again this is more than likely due to the amazing experience, but also in part because Abel and I talked a lot after the conference. Being in God's presence ruined me. I never want to be out of it again and I am so sad that I let so much time pass by without Him. I am stressed with life, overwhelmed by everything, and feel as if there is no time for Him with everything else going on. Abel is quick to comfort and tells me that part of this is his fault. He should be helping me more and making sure I have daily time for God and school work. He is extremely supportive for the future plans I have and is just so in tune with me its scary. Good scary. So the morning is good. After breakfast we head to Sterling State Park hoping to see some Bald Eagles. It is huge though and have no idea where to start. When we see Lake Eerie beach access we are curious and excited so we head there first. Wow! It is the most beautiful site. We walk along enjoying the amazing views trying to ignore the occasional dead fish. We decide to go down some trails, our mission - ealges. We go down a trail that has a view point in the middle. We start off feeling great. The weather is beautiful and the views are awesome. We walk. We talk. We walk. We talk. We walk. How far is this view point? We keep on. The view stays the same except for the occasional river view. More walking. More talking. More walking. A little less talking. The sad thing? Its been 30 minutes and we aren't even half way there (The view point is our half way point). The view point at last. And are their eagles? NO. Just more river. It is extremely hot by now after all this walking and I am exhausted...what can I say I am out of shape and in jeans. We decide to turn back, its closer than continuing. Sad, I know. We head to the hotel, freshen up, drive around the city, and go shopping. I need summer clothes. Ms. Bright idea thought it would be a lot colder and decided to only take long sleaves. hehe. We head to the church that evening and are even more floored than the night before. More testimonies. More prayer. More worship. More God it seems. We are praying for the holy spirit to invade us and are in deep prayer when suddenly my hands start to tingle, start to burn a little, but not in a bad way. Then he calls everyone up who feel something in their hands. He tells us it is the Spirit. We come up there for prayer and are released to pray for those around us. It is amazing how God uses us and speaks through us. This may sound dumb but I never thought He could use me this way. After all I have done? But here He is. We leave around midnight again reluctantly. But this time there is no sadness or stress as the night before. Only complete happiness and peace. I am in His will finally. I know what He wants of me. Maybe not the details, but the direction. Day 2.