The Paths We Choose

I want to start with something that would forever be a part of my life. A true, real encounter with God. When I was around 15, I saw things that were a part of a dark world I didn't want to know about. I saw things during the day and dreamt things at night. I stopped sleeping, and layed in my bed in fear because of things I heard. My mom asked some people she knew to come help me and pray with me. That day was a day I would never forget. I was not given just a talk, but a real encounter with God. I felt Him that day in a real way. I actually felt Him hold my hands. It was amazing. I was prophecied over that God was with me, protecting me strongly, and that I would be lead to something great. It was an encounter of a life time.

We all have dreams, passions, desires, and choses to make regarding life. So with all that, how do we choose the paths we choose? How do we choose where we will go and what we will do? I remember when I was in high school, I had an extreme passion for theater. I loved acting, directing, stage managing, everything. Yet, this is not a direction I chose to follow. Why? Why did I let other's opinions and fears stop me from something my heart desired with such passion? I don't know. Towards the end of high school, I realized that you could have a relationship with Jesus and I gave my heart to him. Our church started the Master's Commission program and I had the strongest desire to join and devote a year just to Him. The problem? My dad wanted me to go to college and I would have to break up with my boyfriend. I did not go. I let other things get in the way of my relationship with God and that would be the end of that relationship for years. After that, my love and compassion for animals determined the direction I chose to follow next. Veterinary medicine. When I picked my career path at UTEP this was it. But due to decisions made out of extreme stupidity and a little bit of the superman complex (Nothing bad can happen to me) I found myself delving into extreme drinking, experimenting with drugs, in an exrtremely volatile relationship, and pregnant. I finished the school year with really bad grades and horrible morning sickness. Now what? This period was filled with fear, sorrow, excitement, guilt, you name it. I was broken beyond repair in my opinion. I wanted God now. I was at the bottom of the barrel and I knew the only way out was with Him. I made idiotic decision after idiotic decision to put myself where I was, but it wasn't just about me anymore. I loved that unborn child (I later learned it would be "children") and wanted to be a good mom but knew I couldn't with God. I repented and grew to lean on Him. I was a disaster but the pieces slowly started coming into place. I had baggage to the extreme, but the awesome thing about God is that He wants to carry the baggage. I slowly learned to hand it over. But after all this, surely God's plan for me to "do great things for Him" would not apply. How could it? After how much I had failed Him there was no way He could possibly use me. And that was okay in my opinion, I just wanted to live for Him and from there the rest wouldn't matter. So after spending a year with my boys, I started school again. Going for nursing now. At the same time, my husband and I were still working out our problems (the boys daddy and one I had been in the volatile relationship with). He had been through a lot and wanted nothing to do with God. For so long I had been insecure but now with God, I was secure. He left us for a few months that first year and it was the hardest time in my life, but it was also the first time I just handed it to God. And you know what? God was faithful to save our marriage. As time went by, we left El Paso to go to McAllen. My dad got a job there and offered to help us if we went with them so I could continue with school. My husband gave His life to Jesus, and our marriage was beautiful for the first time ever. We found an amazing church, and I got into the nursing school. But now God started putting something scary in my heart. He wanted me to go into ministry. After much prayer and advice, I dropped the nursing program and everything else fell into place. I found a bible school with ease, and I was happier than ever. Once in bible school, God put something in my heart that would not leave. I was hungry for God in a real way. I was tired of reading about the great miracles of Jesus and the first church but not seeing those things today. God is the same God. And He did command us to go out and show great signs and wonders through the Holy Spirit. The hunger was strong and I was discontent with all else. So this leads me to the most amazing experience of my life at the Bethel School for Supernatural Evangelism held in Monroe. But that is a whole post unto itself. So until then....