Amazed

I am still unable to coherently formulate words to describe this experience. I saw God in a way I never have before. It was a true encounter. And that was really what this school was for, teaching us to give the world a true encounter with God. Here is a recap of the most amazing days of my life...

We come into the city of detroit, go to the rental car area, and are there for quite awhile. Finally we are off, having to be at the church in one hour. The church is in a different city mind you, and we are completely unfamiliar with the surroundings. Thank you Jesus for the GPS. Anyways we arrive a few minutes late, but thankfully so are other people. We walk in to praise and worship and this is the start of the "encounter." The music is beautiful. Songs I've never heard before, an amazing worship team, lyrics that stir the heart. All around I see people worshipping, some are standing still, praying and crying, others with their arms raised to the Lord, others still dancing. There are even people waving flags around. There is a guy dancing in the front that is just going crazy. He is dancing strangefully graceful and wild at the same time. I have to hold back the laugh and admit it was a little distracting to my own worship time. How very Christian of me right? But keep in mind, this is new to me. People just don't do this at my church. But God knows exactly whats on my mind and is quick to convict me of this. I am suddenly thinking of David dancing his worship to God and his wife being embarrassed and telling him to stop. God curses her for stopping him from worshipping. For all I know, this strange wild dancing could be the very same dance of David. I am overcome with the beauty of the dancing I thought was so funny before. How awesome it is for someone to be so free in the Spirit to worship God that they don't care at all what others think. I wish I could be this way. God is in the room in a way I've never felt before and I am suddenly feeling sad. I have been in God's presence before. But it had been so long now and all I am thinking is, "How could I have let so much time pass me by without seeking His presence?" I know God is always there, but you know how there are times when you can just feel Him? Well this was it. I am complete. I am filled. Voids were filled that I never knew existed. I never want to be without Him again. Even now as I think about it I filled with tears. I see a guy out of the corner of my eye completely prostrate on the floor. The gesture fills my heart. The night goes on and the teacher, Outreach Pastor of Bethel Church in Redding, CA Christ Overstreat starts his teachings. (Turns out he was the one lying prostrate on the floor.) All the teachings, testimonies, everything really is stirring me up. This is exactly what I have been hungry for all these months. He starts off by saying that everyone needs an encounter with God's love. A good teaching is not enough. Jesus knew this, the apostles started their church like this, and it should still be today. As Christians, we owe the world an encounter with God's love. He gives us verses from the bible, and drills in how much God loves us. He says that we need to seek His presence, and when we are filled with the presence of God, we will leak it to people around us. He says that when we host God's presence, opportunities are all around to shows His love. He is inside of us, but wants to get out. Matthew 6, the Lord's prayer says, "Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven." Is there sickness or disease in heaven? He wants it to be this way on earth. And it starts with us, the believers. Our God is the same God from the bible times. The same signs and wonders of Jesus and the first church should be apart of the lifestyle of modern day believers. But we cannot live this supernatural lifestyle until we transform our own hearts. He tells us, "God is changing the world inside of us to change the world around us." Huh. The night goes on with prayer. He asks people who need healing to stand. After all are standing he tells those not standing to pray for those standing. Wow. Usually the speaker does all the healing himself. But this time we are? I am so filled with boldness and faith though that I start immediately. The first lady I pray with has pain in her jaw so we pray for it. Nothing happens so we pray again. It feels a little better. We pray again. 100% healing. She is healed. She has soreness on her shoulders from fybromyalgia. She is healed. She has a problem with the skin on her hands. We pray and she is healed. Thank you Jesus. I pray with two more ladies. This time it is emotional healing that we are praying for. God speaks through me and I am praying for things that I they hadn't even told me they needed. One actually falls down in the spirit. The next day the others comes to me crying and thanking me because she needed to hear that. I look all around me and see miracles, people praying, and people worshipping. Again I am overcome with emotion. You can feel God's presence in such a way that it is tangible. We leave the church around midnight reluctantly. Abel and I are both afraid that once we step out of the church we won't feel him anymore. We do. The end of day 1.

The Paths We Choose

I want to start with something that would forever be a part of my life. A true, real encounter with God. When I was around 15, I saw things that were a part of a dark world I didn't want to know about. I saw things during the day and dreamt things at night. I stopped sleeping, and layed in my bed in fear because of things I heard. My mom asked some people she knew to come help me and pray with me. That day was a day I would never forget. I was not given just a talk, but a real encounter with God. I felt Him that day in a real way. I actually felt Him hold my hands. It was amazing. I was prophecied over that God was with me, protecting me strongly, and that I would be lead to something great. It was an encounter of a life time.

We all have dreams, passions, desires, and choses to make regarding life. So with all that, how do we choose the paths we choose? How do we choose where we will go and what we will do? I remember when I was in high school, I had an extreme passion for theater. I loved acting, directing, stage managing, everything. Yet, this is not a direction I chose to follow. Why? Why did I let other's opinions and fears stop me from something my heart desired with such passion? I don't know. Towards the end of high school, I realized that you could have a relationship with Jesus and I gave my heart to him. Our church started the Master's Commission program and I had the strongest desire to join and devote a year just to Him. The problem? My dad wanted me to go to college and I would have to break up with my boyfriend. I did not go. I let other things get in the way of my relationship with God and that would be the end of that relationship for years. After that, my love and compassion for animals determined the direction I chose to follow next. Veterinary medicine. When I picked my career path at UTEP this was it. But due to decisions made out of extreme stupidity and a little bit of the superman complex (Nothing bad can happen to me) I found myself delving into extreme drinking, experimenting with drugs, in an exrtremely volatile relationship, and pregnant. I finished the school year with really bad grades and horrible morning sickness. Now what? This period was filled with fear, sorrow, excitement, guilt, you name it. I was broken beyond repair in my opinion. I wanted God now. I was at the bottom of the barrel and I knew the only way out was with Him. I made idiotic decision after idiotic decision to put myself where I was, but it wasn't just about me anymore. I loved that unborn child (I later learned it would be "children") and wanted to be a good mom but knew I couldn't with God. I repented and grew to lean on Him. I was a disaster but the pieces slowly started coming into place. I had baggage to the extreme, but the awesome thing about God is that He wants to carry the baggage. I slowly learned to hand it over. But after all this, surely God's plan for me to "do great things for Him" would not apply. How could it? After how much I had failed Him there was no way He could possibly use me. And that was okay in my opinion, I just wanted to live for Him and from there the rest wouldn't matter. So after spending a year with my boys, I started school again. Going for nursing now. At the same time, my husband and I were still working out our problems (the boys daddy and one I had been in the volatile relationship with). He had been through a lot and wanted nothing to do with God. For so long I had been insecure but now with God, I was secure. He left us for a few months that first year and it was the hardest time in my life, but it was also the first time I just handed it to God. And you know what? God was faithful to save our marriage. As time went by, we left El Paso to go to McAllen. My dad got a job there and offered to help us if we went with them so I could continue with school. My husband gave His life to Jesus, and our marriage was beautiful for the first time ever. We found an amazing church, and I got into the nursing school. But now God started putting something scary in my heart. He wanted me to go into ministry. After much prayer and advice, I dropped the nursing program and everything else fell into place. I found a bible school with ease, and I was happier than ever. Once in bible school, God put something in my heart that would not leave. I was hungry for God in a real way. I was tired of reading about the great miracles of Jesus and the first church but not seeing those things today. God is the same God. And He did command us to go out and show great signs and wonders through the Holy Spirit. The hunger was strong and I was discontent with all else. So this leads me to the most amazing experience of my life at the Bethel School for Supernatural Evangelism held in Monroe. But that is a whole post unto itself. So until then....

Gargantuan

gar⋅gan⋅tu⋅an:
adjective: gigantic; enormous; colossal: a gargantuan task.
Synonyms:huge, mammoth, immense, vast, elephantine.

My eyes were opened in a new way yesterday. I finally saw the video of my child movie stars, which was AWESOME by the way. But something caught my eye that was downright depressing. Me. As in the words of Pinky Dinky Doo I am Gargantuan. :( Now I knew I was overweight, I'm not blind. But I just never saw myself that big. Maybe I have an eating disorder in a sense that I am an opposite anorexic. Not that I eat all the time mind you, but I see myself smaller than I am (opposite of the way anorexics see themselves). So seeing the movie was really a revelation, and a depressing one at that. Now I can't help but feel even more self-conscious than I normally am. And I hate feeling that way. For example, we had this great event with our church tonight. It was a blast. But I couldn't really fully enjoy it because I kept comparing my elephantine self to everyone else in the room. Than of course I felt extremely guilty for this because, hello, I am a CHOSEN woman at a church event. I should be happy and fulfilled by God and not driven to such egotistical thoughts. I know this, but that doesn't change how I feel. Anways, I know food is not really my problem, I eat rather healthy really. It's exercise. I hate it. But I really feel so unhappy that I am just going to have to suck it up and do something about it. Starting tomorrow. So please people, send some prayer and ecouragement my way, God knows I need it.

Here's a praise report on this front. Thank you Jesus for blinding my husband :)

House Virgins

So Abel and I are officially house hunting. Yesterday we checked out 4 houses...blah, blah, blah, and blah. Today we started getting the pre-approval for our homeloan, now at least we can have an idea of the price range. And tomorrow, more houses. Its a bit exciting (new house), but a bunch intimidating (new house payment). I was really in awe of my DH though. We have been through a lot together and God has really worked in Him. So, before we start the official house hunt, while we are at the real estate agents office, he says, "Let's pray." Aw, nothing as sexy as a guy that relies on God so much. Is there something wrong with me for thinking my husband is sexy during this extremely spiritual time? :p Anways, life is sure not perfect. Come on, married 4 years and this is our first home? And if you knew him 2 years ago, you would know this is not something he would say. So needless to say, I was pleasantly suprised, in love with my husband all over again, and in awe of God's power and love.

Child Actors in the Making

Well today was fun. The boys are going to be the stars in an upcoming skit/film for the church. It goes with the family series the pastor is doing and it should be great. The boys were supposed to "act" really terrible, ya know, showing them being in control of the household and all that. It was comical really. The sad thing? They were just acting as their normal stinker selves minus the tears and hits. So in a sense, they actually behaved better than normal. That is just plain sad. Don't get me wrong it't not like we have no control over them. But it is just hard when the discipline is so inconsistant, which is what happens when Grampy, Grammy and the grandkids live in the same household. So tears and hits will naturally come when they do get in trouble with things they sometimes don't get in trouble for. Things are getting a little bit better as of recently though. We've been really putting our foot down with the time-outs, which has been helping some. Regardless of how stinkerish they are at times, I adore the little rascals. They really were good at following directions for the acting once they got warmed up though. Can anyone say child stars turned reality hasbins??? I think not.

Hello

Hi Everyone,

My name is Samantha, I am 24 years old, and I live in McAllen, TX. I am a happily married woman, a proud (and extremely exhausted) momma of twin boys, and most importantly, a Christ-following woman. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, the list goes on and goes (hey we are hispanic we have a big family), but most importantly "I am a child of the king!" as a famous football player once said. My life is not all together. I am not that creative, though I really really try to be, and really not all that interesting. The only real reason I am posting a blog is peer pressure. Plain and simple peer pressure on the part of two really great friends. :) But perhaps this blog will interest more than one person, heck even only having one person read this would be pretty cool. Upon deciding what to center this blog on, I remembered this saying used at a woman's conference in San Antonio. It touched my heart than and it touches it now. No matter how together, or so not together I am, I am His and He loves me, no matter what. I want to be real here, so as I post certain things you may be thinking, what kind of Christian woman is this? Well I will tell you right now, you ain't that different baby no matter how hard you hide it so... Get over it!

Chosen

Long before God even spoke the earth into existence, before His booming voice ever called out for the first layers of the earth's crust to be put into place, He had already spoken your name. He actually picked you out, had you on His mind, and settled on you as the focus of His love.

You Are Chosen

-Unknown

These words touch my heart and soul. He loves me, no matter what. He always has and He always will. It's quite amazing really when you try to put your mind around it. People make a big deal about knowing other people in high places. "Oh yeah I met the President." "Oh, the mayor and I are friends." blah blah blah. That is all fine and dandy. I am not gonna lie, I would be honored to know such people. But here we have the creator of all the universe. Think about it. Creator of the universe. Not just a smart person that knows people that helped him move up the ladder to be in a really great position and in charge of a lot of people. But the one that created all people. The one that created everything, period. And the focus of His love is...US!!! Us measly people that are constantly disappointing Him, mistrusting Him, forgetting Him. But even though we are this way, He Still Loves Us. Wow.