Gold Dust and Pillaging!!!

God is AWESOME!!! That is all I have to say. Totally AWESOME! I have had some measure of gold dust on my hands almost every day. Sometimes it's very little and I try to think if I touched something or what. And sometimes it's a lot. I love it. I've seen feathers flying down, and most powerfully, God gave me a personal revelation of His love for me that just about wrecked me. He is so totally and completely romantic by the way. I have some awesome stories about that.
So Sunday nights service God showed up in a BIG way and all the leaders started praying for everyone, so I got prayed for by Bill Johson, Kris Vallatton, Benni Johnson, Kathy Vallatton, Kevin Dedmon, and many others. The whole time, I was just pillaging the annointings off them. haha. Today we got impartation from Bill Johnson and other staff and interns, and I got whacked. I just keep thinking, I cannot believe this is school!!!
All I need is my honey and I'll be set :)

Goodbyes

1 week left. That's all I get.
Have you ever been in a situation where you had to make a decision, and you didn't want to choose because you wanted both things? I want both so bad.
But the decision had to be made, and it will be so hard to leave the other thing behind. My family. My parents. My best friends. My life support. My everything. And maybe that's why it came to this. Maybe.
I am so excited for the move. To have our own place, though that's another topic altogether as we still don't have a move in date. To be where we know God is calling us. To be a part of something that is not only life-chaning, but world changing. To know God on a whole new level and team up with Him on things I never thought possible. This whole thing is such a dream come true for me. It is what my soul longs for. It is what my heart beats for. So why is it so hard to leave where I am and embark on this new adventure? Why do my eyes fill with tears at the thought of leaving them behind? I think one of the reasons it is so hard is because I know this will cause them heartbreak too.
As I pack up and see the shelves and closets become a little more bare, I feel like my life here is being erased. It's the end of something beautiful, and the start of something I have only dreamed of.
So Holy Spirit, I need your comfort more than ever.

In Loving Memory

My Chiquita died on Tuesday, Oct. 6. Maybe it's silly, but I am broken hearted to the extreme. She was fine Monday, and then Tuesday morning, Abel wakes me up to tell me she can't breath. I go to her, and we decide to take her to the vet. But I pick her up and she dies in my arms. Almost as if she is suffocating to death. She can't stop gasping and opening her mouth trying to suck in air, and nothing. I hate that. I hate that those are my last memories of her. I hate that I hadn't spoiled her more and loved on her more. Sure she was smelly and mean to the boys, but she still needed love. Up until I had then, she was the most spoiled thing alive. Slept with me, ran in the backyard, sunbathed, etc. Before us, she had been abused and neglected. I taught her how to play. She attacked everyone, yet never once bit me, not matter what I did. But then I had the boys and she had to be kept away from them because she didn't like them. She had been abused, she had an excuse. But then thats it, I was too busy to play, too busy to love on her, too busy period. I had her for 10 years...from ages 15-25. And it wasn't enough. She was the one who licked away my tears from my first heartbreak and many others later. She was the one who nuzzled me when I was scared and upset because I made stupid mistakes and was in big trouble. She loved unconditionally and genuinely and yet, she was just a dog. But you know what? That little dog that had been abused her first 4 years of love was the best example of God's unconditional love. And me, the human who became to busy to show love is the best example of us humans being too busy for God. So too my Chiquita, I love you and I'm sorry. And too my loving Father, thank you fall all your love that you've given and shown through different people, animals, etc. I will never be too busy for you again, and if I do become to busy, I ask you to show me so I can repent.

On a Stand

So I went to an amazing women's conference called Chosen, which, in case you didn't notice, is the inspiration for my blog. :) God knew I needed to be there, well duh He knows everything. But I guess I was just feeling so lost. Lots of stress in my kids ministry and still feeling like God wants me elsewhere...but where? So like a flashlight whose batteries are going out, I got a good charge last weekend. He's calling me elsewhere, to Shine in a dark world, but I still had no clue where to start. But then it hit me. I keep waiting for this divine revelation to come, and it came, but not in a way I expected. I had this vision and I totally pictured it like a painting so thats how I will describe it. It's a night time scene, dark night but when the sky has a little purple in it. No moon though. And hundreds of people standing in the distance but they look black from the night sky. And then walking into the scene is a person, but there is a light shining out of this person. Bright and bursting out. Behind this are more people with that same light, walking forward, toward/into the dark, bringing light to the dark. And I realized that here I am waiting and waiting for this revelation, and not acting on what I know. And what I know is this world is dark, the deep darkness has taken over (Isaiah 60:1). And God called me to be a light, not just me, but all of us. To light up the dark world, bringing out the God colors. Shining brightly for all to see. Shining brightly to wipe out the darkness. Shining brightly for Him. Matthew 5:15 says, "You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine!" I feel so many of us are struggling with this, especially women. Always put on the back burner, or under a bucket I should say. But I encourage you to step out and shine. Don't wait. The world needs you now. He wants to use you now and will use you. And so this is my mission, to go out into the dark world, and bring others with me.

New Ventures

So today was officially my last day of work with Continental Airlines. Quite heart breaking I have to say. I am on a Company Offered Leave of Absence that can last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years and can be called back any time after the 6 months. But considering that we are planning to leave McAllen to go to bible school, I more than likely will not be able to return. So this is it. Goodbye my early morning coffee crew. I will miss you more than words can say. You are another family to me. Goodbye to irate passengars that blame us for their being late and missing the flight, those who have no idea what airline they are traveling on or even what city they are going to and act like we should know it automatically, and goodbye to irregular ops, rebook after rebook, eyeroll after yell, etc. Goodbye to those who make early morning flights fun; those who joke around, dress funny, act funny, look funny, or look like celebrities. Goodbye to making horrible airport boarding announcements and waking up at 3am. Like I said, it is heartbreaking. I really am going to miss it all. Not only will I miss the job and people, but it also means this move is for sure. And while that is exciting because I know it's where God wants us, it also means goodbye to my great friends, a great church, and most importantly, my parents. It means stepping out into the unknown, and my oh my is it scary. It means trusting Him financially (one income for the time being) for school and living and walking blindly. But Abel and I have prayed long and hard about this and know this is where God is leading us. We may be walking blindly in faith, but the road is not dark, because He is lighting it up. Pray for us that I remember this and that we are continually encouraged on this new venture.

Women's Conference Coming Up

Just wanted to let everyone know of an awesome women's conference that is coming up this September. It is in San Antonio, TX and will you not only be spoiled beyond measure, but will be fed (spiritually) with the meat of the spirit as well as with lots of sweets. God will touch your heart in ways that only He can and maybe in ways you haven't felt in awhile. Details are on this website...

www.chosensa.com

a little insight

So its been awhile since I've logged on. Frankly its because so much has gone on or has been on my mind, that I just haven't known where to start. So here it goes. I have been thinking about life a lot lately. I have a deep hunger to serve God and I am in the perfect position to do it..but it's just not satisfying. I try to think of all the wonderful things that are being accomplished, but I just can't seem to find the passion and excitement for it. I feel that God has more for me. But maybe it's just me. Maybe I am being a selfish kid that gets the toy she wanted, and realized it wasn't what it is cut out to be so wants something else. Could that be it? Or is it that I am just not where God wants me to be? As I talk to friends and family I can't help but think its this. I mean, imagine how God feels...Him putting me in a position He wants, and I'm just like, "uh, well I am lucky to even be here so I guess I'll just put up with it." The whole grin and bear it attitude. Whats up with that?? A thought came to me that maybe God puts us in a position of dissatisfaction so that we do something about it. Think about it...if you are satisfied with where you are and happy to do it, then even if it's not what God wants for you, more than likely you'll stick with it, because your comfortable with it. Who wants to be taken out of their comfort zone and thrown into something scary and risky? But thats just the thing...if it's a God thing, why are we thinking it's scary and risky? Sure its uncomfortable because we are walking blindly into unknown territory. But what do we know of God?? He is love. So then why would He throw us somewhere to scare us??? And the only risk we are really taking is falling into His will. Doesn't sound so bad to me. The only problem....finding out where you should go once you decide to leave the place you are dissatisfied with, and getting the fuel to move your engine and do something about it. If you've read my posts then you know God has really been putting something different and powerful into my life. Supernatural Evangelism?? Treasure hunts?? Praying for miracles and prophecying over people??? What if it doesn't work? What if I pray for someone, nothing happens, and not only do they think I'm a dope, but they are disappointed with God because during that prayer their was a glimmer of hope and now its been extinguished. Yeah, all this runs through my mind. But then I think, what if it does work? What if I get to be a part of something so powerful and so filled with love, that not only is it a love encounter for the person receiving, but for me. I mean come on...who am I that God would use me that way?? Very humbling indeed. And even though he has used me before, my dopey human self tells me it won't happen again. So what should I do??? Yep..use that as my fuel. I once heard that the greatest barriers and obstacles lead to the greatest breakthroughs. So after our awesome treasure hunt last weekend, a few disappointments during the week, an amazing worship service, and a ton of money down the drain thanks to the darn transmission, I am left with one thing and one thing only. God's love. His love calls me to come forward even though the road looks bleak. His love gives me strength to make BIG decisions that make sense to anyone but me. And His love gives me direction and guidance. And His loves gives me the biggest bear hugs when all I can do is fall down and cry. If you are feeling anywhere like me...don't do the grin and bear it thing. Follow God's leading and the passions He puts in your life..and don't procrastinate because you will miss out on some amazing adventures. One more thing, if you are feeling like me...message me so we can be prayer buddies. Prayer is an amazing fuel enhancement.