In Loving Memory

My Chiquita died on Tuesday, Oct. 6. Maybe it's silly, but I am broken hearted to the extreme. She was fine Monday, and then Tuesday morning, Abel wakes me up to tell me she can't breath. I go to her, and we decide to take her to the vet. But I pick her up and she dies in my arms. Almost as if she is suffocating to death. She can't stop gasping and opening her mouth trying to suck in air, and nothing. I hate that. I hate that those are my last memories of her. I hate that I hadn't spoiled her more and loved on her more. Sure she was smelly and mean to the boys, but she still needed love. Up until I had then, she was the most spoiled thing alive. Slept with me, ran in the backyard, sunbathed, etc. Before us, she had been abused and neglected. I taught her how to play. She attacked everyone, yet never once bit me, not matter what I did. But then I had the boys and she had to be kept away from them because she didn't like them. She had been abused, she had an excuse. But then thats it, I was too busy to play, too busy to love on her, too busy period. I had her for 10 years...from ages 15-25. And it wasn't enough. She was the one who licked away my tears from my first heartbreak and many others later. She was the one who nuzzled me when I was scared and upset because I made stupid mistakes and was in big trouble. She loved unconditionally and genuinely and yet, she was just a dog. But you know what? That little dog that had been abused her first 4 years of love was the best example of God's unconditional love. And me, the human who became to busy to show love is the best example of us humans being too busy for God. So too my Chiquita, I love you and I'm sorry. And too my loving Father, thank you fall all your love that you've given and shown through different people, animals, etc. I will never be too busy for you again, and if I do become to busy, I ask you to show me so I can repent.

On a Stand

So I went to an amazing women's conference called Chosen, which, in case you didn't notice, is the inspiration for my blog. :) God knew I needed to be there, well duh He knows everything. But I guess I was just feeling so lost. Lots of stress in my kids ministry and still feeling like God wants me elsewhere...but where? So like a flashlight whose batteries are going out, I got a good charge last weekend. He's calling me elsewhere, to Shine in a dark world, but I still had no clue where to start. But then it hit me. I keep waiting for this divine revelation to come, and it came, but not in a way I expected. I had this vision and I totally pictured it like a painting so thats how I will describe it. It's a night time scene, dark night but when the sky has a little purple in it. No moon though. And hundreds of people standing in the distance but they look black from the night sky. And then walking into the scene is a person, but there is a light shining out of this person. Bright and bursting out. Behind this are more people with that same light, walking forward, toward/into the dark, bringing light to the dark. And I realized that here I am waiting and waiting for this revelation, and not acting on what I know. And what I know is this world is dark, the deep darkness has taken over (Isaiah 60:1). And God called me to be a light, not just me, but all of us. To light up the dark world, bringing out the God colors. Shining brightly for all to see. Shining brightly to wipe out the darkness. Shining brightly for Him. Matthew 5:15 says, "You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine!" I feel so many of us are struggling with this, especially women. Always put on the back burner, or under a bucket I should say. But I encourage you to step out and shine. Don't wait. The world needs you now. He wants to use you now and will use you. And so this is my mission, to go out into the dark world, and bring others with me.