a little insight

So its been awhile since I've logged on. Frankly its because so much has gone on or has been on my mind, that I just haven't known where to start. So here it goes. I have been thinking about life a lot lately. I have a deep hunger to serve God and I am in the perfect position to do it..but it's just not satisfying. I try to think of all the wonderful things that are being accomplished, but I just can't seem to find the passion and excitement for it. I feel that God has more for me. But maybe it's just me. Maybe I am being a selfish kid that gets the toy she wanted, and realized it wasn't what it is cut out to be so wants something else. Could that be it? Or is it that I am just not where God wants me to be? As I talk to friends and family I can't help but think its this. I mean, imagine how God feels...Him putting me in a position He wants, and I'm just like, "uh, well I am lucky to even be here so I guess I'll just put up with it." The whole grin and bear it attitude. Whats up with that?? A thought came to me that maybe God puts us in a position of dissatisfaction so that we do something about it. Think about it...if you are satisfied with where you are and happy to do it, then even if it's not what God wants for you, more than likely you'll stick with it, because your comfortable with it. Who wants to be taken out of their comfort zone and thrown into something scary and risky? But thats just the thing...if it's a God thing, why are we thinking it's scary and risky? Sure its uncomfortable because we are walking blindly into unknown territory. But what do we know of God?? He is love. So then why would He throw us somewhere to scare us??? And the only risk we are really taking is falling into His will. Doesn't sound so bad to me. The only problem....finding out where you should go once you decide to leave the place you are dissatisfied with, and getting the fuel to move your engine and do something about it. If you've read my posts then you know God has really been putting something different and powerful into my life. Supernatural Evangelism?? Treasure hunts?? Praying for miracles and prophecying over people??? What if it doesn't work? What if I pray for someone, nothing happens, and not only do they think I'm a dope, but they are disappointed with God because during that prayer their was a glimmer of hope and now its been extinguished. Yeah, all this runs through my mind. But then I think, what if it does work? What if I get to be a part of something so powerful and so filled with love, that not only is it a love encounter for the person receiving, but for me. I mean come on...who am I that God would use me that way?? Very humbling indeed. And even though he has used me before, my dopey human self tells me it won't happen again. So what should I do??? Yep..use that as my fuel. I once heard that the greatest barriers and obstacles lead to the greatest breakthroughs. So after our awesome treasure hunt last weekend, a few disappointments during the week, an amazing worship service, and a ton of money down the drain thanks to the darn transmission, I am left with one thing and one thing only. God's love. His love calls me to come forward even though the road looks bleak. His love gives me strength to make BIG decisions that make sense to anyone but me. And His love gives me direction and guidance. And His loves gives me the biggest bear hugs when all I can do is fall down and cry. If you are feeling anywhere like me...don't do the grin and bear it thing. Follow God's leading and the passions He puts in your life..and don't procrastinate because you will miss out on some amazing adventures. One more thing, if you are feeling like me...message me so we can be prayer buddies. Prayer is an amazing fuel enhancement.